I am still thinking more about courage lately. I am going to be sharing about it at Compassion in August and here is what I have come up with. I am still living it. I still have no test results on the liver but will update this blog when I do. Sorry things have been a little silent. Please keep praying for me and my family. We are in a time of fluctuation and courage is definitely required.

Courage requires:

1) Humility

When God called Noah to build an ark, he needed to be humble so that he could understand what the Lord was saying, and to courageously follow him when the world was looking at him and saying “there is no rain here, it is not going to flood, how are you going to float your boat? When Noah’s friends came to see the boat and they asked “where is your rudder dummy?”

2) Patience

When David was a shepherd boy and in the fields and anointed to be king he was probably thinking “yes, I am ready God, take me.” But God had other plans, many years of plans for him before he could take the throne. He was indeed a courageous man, and a man after God’s own heart, but he had to live in the wilderness for awhile to figure that out fully.

When Noah was living in the land and farming and doing those things that were pleasing and appropriate for taking care of his family and God said “build an ark” I am sure glad he obeyed, but the ark did not get built over night. Nor did he stay in the ark just 40 days, it was more like a year.

3) Sacrifice

In order to have the courage to answer God and follow his chosen path we must be willing to sacrifice for it. Sometimes we have to sacrifice a lot. David sacrificed the comforts that were afforded him in his fathers house in order to follow God. Gideon sacrificed his life (hiding from those who had taken his land captive) in order to follow the calling God gave him. In return David was called “a man after God’s own heart” and Gideon was offered the throne of Israel after he routed the enemies by the thousands.

Where are you being called to have courage? In what circumstance do you find yourself that you feel God is not in control or that you feel God is not being glorified?

Has God placed a call on your life and you can see it, but are yet to attain it? God is in control, be patient.

David knew his calling, but he waited on the Lord. In that time he was shield bearer to the King. He was in the courts when Solomon was planning warfare, engaging in diplomacy, and doing all things kingly. He had to learn how to be King before he became king. (here I will share some personal reflection on waiting upon the lord as long as time allows)

What dream has God placed on your heart? Is it to build a ministry, to start a business, to support 50 Compassion Kids? Take that dream captive, keep that dream alive, and work on it. It may take awhile, but if it is from God it will be done in and through you.

I have been privileged to sit at lunch with several people from Compassion and hear your dreams, and I treasure that. I know that when you are sharing with me what you are dreaming or where God is leading you that you are sharing the divine imprint that God has built into your spiritual D.N.A. and I consider it an honor.

Closing

Remember to take time to Praise God for what He has given you.

When Mary found out she was pregnant, and she was to raise Jesus she praised him.

“ Luke 1:46 And Mary¹⁴⁶ said,¹⁴⁷“My soul exalts¹⁴⁸ the Lord,¹⁴⁹ 1:47 and my spirit has begun to rejoice¹⁵⁰ in God my Savior, 1:48 because he has looked upon the humble state of his servant.¹⁵¹For¹⁵² from now on¹⁵³ all generations will call me blessed,¹⁵⁴1:49 because he who is mighty¹⁵⁵ has done great things for me, and holy is his name; 1:50 from¹⁵⁶ generation to generation he is merciful¹⁵⁷ to those who fear¹⁵⁸ him.1:51 He has demonstrated power¹⁵⁹ with his arm; he has scattered those whose pride wells up from the sheer arrogance¹⁶⁰ of their hearts.1:52 He has brought down the mighty¹⁶¹ from their thrones, and has lifted up those of lowly position;¹⁶²1:53 he has filled the hungry with good things,¹⁶³ and has sent the rich away empty.¹⁶⁴1:54 He has helped his servant Israel, remembering¹⁶⁵ his mercy,¹⁶⁶1:55 as he promised¹⁶⁷ to our ancestors,¹⁶⁸ to Abraham and to his descendants¹⁶⁹ forever.”

Remember that your spirit is a Womb for God to work His divine love, His miraculous blessings, and His plan for your life in. It is just like a womb because it is a place of protection, of intimacy, nourishment and a place of rest. Remember to rest in the knowledge that God is giving you the courage, the vision and the path to take to fulfill your calling, in His timing.

Today has been  a bad day, a very bad health day to be exact. I need to rewind a little here to tell you what has been happening and explain the somewhat silence of this blog.

I have been battling a rare condition called an Arnold Chiari Malformation. It is in my brain, it hurts a lot and it has driven me to taking pain med’s, and sometimes anti depressants. In otherwords, it sucks. Then this week some routine blood work came back and it was not so routine. It appears that my liver would rather not work as a liver, it would rather sit in my body and do nothing but give me pain. I would rather it work, In fact I am demanding it. I am not sure what the problem is, but the doctors have mentioned the big C, as in cancer. Wow, what a sucky thing to hear. I have been there with others when they get the diagnosis, and I have been at their bedside when the cancer worked its final deed in death, neither of them are fun times to be there, but they are holy moments as well.

I have been giving myself the speech about courage that I give most of those who I have the honor of ministering too, but boy does it sound hollow. In fact, it just falls flatter then my momma’s home made bread when she does not put the yeast in. I remind myself of that line in Princess Bride where the Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Wesley) says to his beloved “life is pain”. I do not want life to be pain, I want it to be roses and pony’s and cotton candy. But alas, growth does not come in the good times, it comes in walking through the pain.

I feel like a wuss, a really big one. I think of all the saints that have gone before me, I think of all the men and women of the Bible of whom “the world was not worthy” (Heb 11:38) who walked in a faith that makes mine look so miniscule and incomplete that I could never compare. I am constantly reminding myself of my previous post with the I am… statements, and I have to remember that I have all of that at my fingertips, I just have to search it out and rest in it.

In the meantime, I am still working and I am moving the 2nd week in August. We have been forced into a bankruptcy and we will be moving north, which means closer to work and some great schooling for Jacob. I go to the Dominican Republic the 3rd week of August for work and I see the neuro surgeon somewhere in that timeframe. All will come into sharp focus over the next month or so, but right now waiting just stinks. I have never been good at waiting, but in this case I am learning quickly how to wait upon the Lord.

I ask not for your sympathy, but for your prayers. I am marginally concerned that if I have to stay off work I am not going to have much sick time banked. I have used much of that taking care of Amy. I have FMLA which secures the job, but the finances will be another thing. I get long term disability after 90 days, but it is at 60 percent of my already stressed out salary. It could get really ugly, but I also know that God truly has the reigns on this one. Oh, and pray I do not scream like a baby and betray anything masculine about me when they poke my liver this week and run a nasty looking needle into it. I am not looking forward to it, and I hope to be out like a light when they do it.

~Selah~

O.K., this is not laziness, in fact quite the opposite. I want to ask you, my friends, readers and on line confidants, what is Courage? Please comment.

Courage is…?

More to come. Working on a rather big thought project, I need yours to work through the idea.

Some of you saw my previous post that my grand dad had a stroke, a bad one, one that was inoperable. He was not expected to survive more then a day or two. Well he did.

I spent the whole weekend with Grandpa and all I can say is WOW, God is good. He is walking, he has some slurred speech, and most his right arm usage is back. It is truly amazing and God is just awesome. I am feeling not as low as I was when I wrote a few days back (the post is gone, it was embarassing).

Thank you for praying. Continue to pray for complete healing and complete grace for him. I know he wants to get back to San Diego, he is in Denver for the time being.

I will write more soon I promise, just as soon as life slows down. So, expect my next post 1/1/2015 (lol)

The smallest things become great when God requires them of us;
they are small only in themselves; they are always great when they
are done for God, and when they serve to unite us with Him
eternally. François Fénelon 

Recently inspired by Kirsten  and her recent allusion to Russell Crowe in Gladiator, and the title of a blog I read called I am Sarah Grace I have decided that I need my own set of I am statements. I can not say I am Gladius Maximus, servant of the one true emperor… but I can say the things that my creator Father has given me, and what I am is a servant of the one true God. It is actually therapeutic in the right setting to do this once in awhile. I have actually had those I counsel with do this. However, I realized that I have never written one. So without further adieu, here is mine.  

I am Carl Grace, son of the most high God. Overcome of the darkness and lover of the light. I am flawed at my very core, but I am redeemed by the shed atoning blood of Jesus Christ.

I am known by God even before my beginnings and I am treasured for all eternity. I am bought with a great price. I am treasured above and beyond all His creation. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am unique in all the world, I am created in my Fathers image.

I am gifted with great gifts from my Father, I am an apprentice to the king. I am the only one with my unique set of talents and abilities. I have full access to the throne room of God. I am His created.

I am joyful in my salvation, I am welcomed to the kings banquet table. I am treasured more then the most cherished Gold, I am the pearl bought with a great price.

I am Carl Grace, over-comer of obstacles, worker of miracles, lover of life and those who live in it. I am Carl Grace child of life and peace.

I am a reflection of the God that is in me. I am one with Him, as he is one with me.

(Continue reading…)

I was tagged for this meme by the lovely and brilliant Kirsten. So here it goes, 6 things about me.

1) I hardly ever miss an episode of Jeopardy. I love the show. I know you are thinking that I must be cerebral and into all the knowledge, and that is part of it. But really, I just like the stimulation and I like rooting for the underdog. (as a side note I have tried out for Jeopardy 3 times now and I never got a good enough score to move forward.) Meanwhile, I keep collecting interesting things and stories so that when I do get on stage I do not bore people to death. I plan on taking down Ken Jennings record, so that means I need a lot of cool stories.

2) I will not attend a movie that has the primary intention of scaring the crud out of me or making me squirm for two hours. Watching IT by Steven King in the 8th grade made that decision for me. And does anyone remember the mini series turned movie called V? Yeah, that one did it for me as well.

3) When I am counseling a person I almost always bring the situation back to something I have seen in a Disney movie. I am not joking. I am a metaphorical thinker at my core and I relate very easily to situations that are on television. I do not watch much regular T.V. (except Jeopardy or Mythbusters) and so the other thing readily at my fingertips is Disney Movies. Having a 6 year old boy makes it easy to have them at your fingertips. The young man I have been counseling over the last few weeks asked me last week what Disney movie I had seen recently so he could be ready.

4) I lived under the same roof as my wife for a few months before we ever got married. It is a bit of a story, but just so you know it was NOT what you think. Basically I lived in the basement of a house of a newly widowed woman and her family. Amy needed a place to stay for awhile and stayed in a small room in the upstairs while she found an apartment. That is how we met, and it is an endless source of conversation with new friends and family.

5) I proposed to my wife at a Conoco station. Yep, so romantic. It was kind of funny, and stupid, and it stuck. It is a long story about how it came about. Lucky for me she said yes and we have had 9 trips around the sun together so far.

6) Golfing took on a whole new meaning for me a few years ago when I helped deliver twin baby girls on a golf course. I was a Paramedic for a short time (while I was dating Amy) and got a call to the 11th hole of a local golf course and a woman was with her husband and was just beginning to feel labor and expected she would have more time. Well, time ran short and out came two babies faster then you can say holy pickles and get the gloves on.

I now tag:

Laci If you read around her blog a little bit you will see the disorder I have in my brain. She is a bit ahead of me in the process, but I get to look forward to much of the same things she has going on.

The Nagel Family I went to India with John, am in love with his family, and they decided recently to become missionaries to Mexico. They are uber cool, and if you are looking for a missionary to support, this family is oh so very worthy.

The meme has pretty much knocked out the rest of the blogs I read already. I guess memes do have a shelf life, and this one might be getting a little stale. Who knows, but have fun! ~Selah~

I, like so many others, have driven up the the gas pump and pumped my car full of gas only to drive away with that sinking feeling in my gut. I do not like putting $60 of gas in my little 4 cylinder car. And I am prone to those gas pump blues. The pinch is being felt in my wallet, and my wallet has been pinched so much it is about to tender it’s resignation from my life, forever. I, being the eternal optimist, want to see the bright side to all of this. I think I have found something to be happy about, it is the return of community, of my community.

In today’s global economy where it is all about selling the most product at the best market price and to the most people and as much as possible the subtle nuances of life get missed terribly. Sure there are the obvious dehumanizing aspects of the business model, but so often we miss something all together, a sense of community. With the advent of Cars, of mass transportation, of newer and cheaper ways of going farther man has decided that not only can he, but he is required to live one place and then work far from home. No longer are you condemned to living in the suburbs by night, and the nearest industrial center by day. Now you can feel free to pursue the American dream in the burbs, and commute an hour or more each way every day in pursuit of that perfect job, that will pay for the perfect car, and perfect house that will eventually bring you the perfect wife and the perfect children… bleah…who needs this?

As summer sets in I can sit here and watch the neighbor kids playing until all hours of the evening. I have noticed that many of my neighbors are home more in the evening this summer. I have seen more neighborhood barbeques, I have seen more activity in my condominiums the I think I ever have in the 8 trips around the sun that I have lived here. I am exited to say I have been invited to my first community cook out in a few weeks, right here in my complex. It is cool.

Globalization is a wonderful thing. We need it. We need to understand other cultures, we need exposure to new ideas, new technology, new stimulation in order to not grow stagnant. But, one must take a measured approach to it. It is nice to sit here and cruise the Internet at speeds we only dreamed of in High School and find a website about just about everything I could ever think of, but do I really need it for 8 hours a day? Do I really need the television that has 180 high quality high definition channels on it? I am watching my son baking cookies right now with his mom and he is not even thinking of the television. He, is cultivating community with his mom and I. (I have the honorable position as chief taste tester)

Despite what the nay sayers and doomsday speakers will tell you, church attendance is at least stagnant if not rising a little bit. With gas prices being so high less people are driving the SUV to the lake, towing the expensive boat that takes the special gas that is almost 8 bucks a gallon. Instead they are staying closer to home. One center piece of the local economy is the church. One pastor I take much advise from is Eugene Peterson. His advise goes something like this “find the smallest local church as close to home as possible and attend there.” I love this advise, and recently we changed churches. It is not quite local I would say, but it beats traveling 20 miles to the mega church we attended before. I think this summer, and for summers to come, we are going to see people staying closer to home, and maybe, just maybe, going to church.

Another place to find community is at the farmers market. More people are going to local food markets to get better produce at lower prices. No longer is it the place for the hip “crunchy cons” to hang out and sell to one another. Instead it has become a living, breathing, and vital part of the local landscape. Any time a person opts to buy their apples and onions and other products from a local grown farmer they stimulate local economy. The food tastes better, it does not have high transportation costs, and it supports the farmer down the road. Money that stays home will come back to your wallet eventually.

Gas prices, I am afraid, are here to stay for awhile. A byproduct of globalization. As these economies like China, India, and Russia come on line it is only going to get tougher. It is funny how globalization has a consequence to it, the consequences of creating and increasing the local economic power of a community.

^“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ⁶so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”Romans 15: 5-6 

Through the last few weeks I have had a lot of time to think about unity, unity within a family, unity within friends, and unity within the church to name a few. Something most Pastors and Theologians miss in their sermons is the need for unity. The unity that they preach is usually in response to something. “Let’s unify our ranks against _____” is a common refrain, and we need to do such things. However, God does not want us unified against something; he wants us unified as a people period.

Jesus prayed in John 17:23 “…May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” When we speak and act in unity with one another we show the love of Jesus not only to other believers, but more importantly to people who are unsaved. Our job as Christians is to live as a model of the love of Jesus to others around us.

I challenge you this week to ask yourself where you might not be unified with Christ. I am not just speaking of in church either. How about in your home life, in your relationship with your spouse and family, your relationship with your neighbor, your relationship with someone you might consider a stranger? When we show unity, true Biblical relational unity, love flows freely and abundantly and the world will begin to ask “what does she have that I do not?”

Answer the call of Paul to the Colossian Church “¹²Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Col 3: 15-17)

The Greatest Folly

I was cold and dark and full of fear as I

contemplated my plight. I thought, I felt,

I knew that I was right, but, oh, how pale

am I.

I searched my soul, I searched my

mind from the depths unto the high. My

heart, my light, my destiny was to obtain

my inner light.

Oh, what a wretch am I.

I would glimpse and I would see what a

wonderful me I could be and I was the best

a man that I could see. Oh, what a wretch

am I.

What I did not see is that which I

sought, the light that was missing in me.

In the heart’s darkest places with my mind

so blighted, I failed to see my need. His

light was so bright and his station so

small… but I never saw. Oh, what a wretch

am I.

God is so gracious, God is so kind,

yet I never saw the great light. As I

stand here now, I do declare, oh what

a wretch am I!

(C) 2008 Carl Holmes