September 15th, 2008
The Lord is showing me things, painful things, wonderful things, things that I did not know were in my soul. It is a painful, wonderful, sorrowful journey, and one I hope to see to it’s end.
The last two days I have been in a terrible mental fog. Thanks to my Chiari malformation and a wonderful seasonal cold to go along with it I have not had the ability to articulate myself to anyone very well. I mostly am learning to stay quiet because when I do not I usually get frustrated, then I yell, Amy and Jacob get angry with me and I get angry with myself. It is a closed loop and it does not get much better when that happens.
God is showing me where it is great to have an anchor. We all need an anchor and we have one. Of course Jesus and our walk with him is one, but he also provides us with relationships, with jobs, with things that provide for our emotional, spiritual and economic needs. What he also showed me was that when you are anchored in a ship and in a fog is it really a good thing to stay put? I am no mariner, I like my feet on Terra firma, but I think it is safe to say that staying in the fog is not usually a good idea. And so I move forward.
Something else God showed me is that having an anchor that is holding too tight when the waves get bigger and the challenges of life get to be hard you really do not want to have your anchor down. As the waves push harder you can actually find your boat getting pulled under the pounding waves. I never thought of that.
So this week I am starting a cleansing, a spiritual cleansing and renewal. It is time to look at those things that I consider an anchor in my life and ask the tough questions such as “Is this relationship helping me, and most importantly is it glorifying God?” “Does what I am doing now at work, at church etcetera working to glorify God, or is in an anchor that I am letting pull me down under the waves?”
In my not feeling well the last few months I have allowed many things to become the anchor that pulls me under. I have been in such a state of disequalibrium between work, moving, going to the Dominican Republic, my health, finances etcetera that I have found that I am not always anchored in the right places. IT is time to take up my anchor and allow the waves to toss me about and steer my ship to the safe harbor that he has waiting for me.
I always tell others that I have the privilege to talk and counsel with that when God told Noah to Go Build an Arky Arky (o..k., I can’t help it, that song ALWAYS comes to mind when I think of Noah) that he never gave him instructions on how to build the rudder. Now that I come to think of it he never told him where to put the anchor either. He wanted Noah to go where God planted him. Hmm, that worked out pretty well for him. I think I am going to have to try it.
God is good, all the time…
